The Roller Coaster Ride of the NICU

It has been an up and down ride the last few days in the NICU. Twin A has gone from a ventilator to an oscillator. He was not doing so well on the ventialor. It is a different breathing assistance apparatus. It is kind of scary at first because it makes the baby vibrate. It is a sight to get used to. They have to be sedated and can't be touched as often. Ok, I said it was scary at first, I still get a chill when I first walk in.

While the oscillator is a little off putting, A has responded very well to it. In the last 24 hours the doctors and nurses have been very impressed with how well he is doing and have already started adjusting the settings to wean him off.

B is also doing good. He is still on the ventilator, but is now breathing what is considered "room air." The settings on the ventialor are comparable to what we breathe normally. Today they will give him a tiny bit of breastmilk through his tubes to see how he digests. This was a very exciting development and you can imagine how happy I was to hear this. It is only a tiny bit, but it is a start.

It is already after 3:30 and I have managed to only cry twice, which is far different from the constant sobbing I was doing before. I know part of it is just hormones, but leaving them in the NICU is still the most difficult thing I have ever done. Remind me of this when I hand them keys to go driving alone for the first time.

We are working on a good system to spend time with the boys at the hospital, our oldest son, and still make sure I am resting and eating so I can keep producing breastmilk. It so far has been a carefully crafted balance, but my husband is incredibly supportive and helpful in making sure we strike the right balance.



Cords

As we know, most, if not all, momo twins have some knots and twists in their cords. It is these knots that is the cause for great concern. If the knots tighten too much or their cords get compressed it could be fatal.

Here are pictures of our little ones cords. Their was one very distinguishable knot and a twist beneath it. Later I was able to touch and examine the knot. It was very tight. I'm not sure how blood and nutrients traveled through it, but it did. It is truly a miracle that my babies not only survived, but thrived with their cords like this.

The Next Journey - NICU Stay

We have turned the page and started our next journey this time into the NICU. After 47 days in the hosptial, I am being discharged tomorrow and will have to leave my tiny, sweet babies here. It is the moment I have dreaded. Is a rare occasion that I can walk into the NICU without shedding a tear. I have gotten past completely crying when I walk in the door. It is incredibly hard to see your little ones fighting to mature and grow, with lines and tubes coming out of them. You feel so helpless. I know they will be ok. I know in my head that this is the best place for them, but it doesn't make it any easier. I want to hold them. I want to hug them and I can't. Not for now at least.

The NICU is one big roller coaster ride. For every two steps forward you move, you then take two steps back. I try to keep this in mind as I gather information about how they are doing.

Both boys currently need assistance breathing. Shortly after they were born the needed only brief assistance, but after this "honeymood" period was over, the have needed additional assistance. The amount of assistance has flunctated as their lungs continue to mature and they learn to breathe a bit more on their own. As of an hour ago they were both breathing mostly on their own.

Today they had their hearts examined as a result of the work their lungs are doing. They didn't think anything was wrong, but mostly examined them as a precautionary measure. Both of their hearts look strong and healthy for their gestational age. The cardiologist didn't have any concerns.

We are not sure how long this road will be, but we will continue to keep you updated.

Birth Day

The twins birthday started with contractions. I wasn't really feeling them, but I was feeling something different. This is the 2nd time I was having consistent contractions. The first time was earlier in the week and we were able to stop them. This time the contractions were spaced closer together. The doctor thought to check my cervix and see if the contractions were "productive." As it turns out, it was. I was 4cm dilated and completely effaced! Mind you these were contractions I wasn't feeling, but I was officially in labor.

Being that far along required immediate intervention to slow/stop the contractions so that I did not go into full fledged active labor. The potential for cord compression and complications increased if I went into active labor.

The nurses and doctor's began to prepare for the c-section. Remember all that anxiety I had about having a c-section? It was GONE...completely gone. Things went very smoothly. My favorite nurses were there in attendance and things weren't emergent, but were relaxed and steadily flowing.

The twins were born within the same minute (7:30pm), 20 seconds apart. They weighed the exact same grams, translating into 4 1/2 lbs and were 1 inch apart at 18 & 19 inches.

Being born at 33 weeks they are in the NICU. They are doing well, but it is definitely a roller coaster. I'm recovering, but it is hard. I've never had major surgery so this is a whole new experience for me and of course not being able to have them with me is very hard.

All and all, things could not have gone better. My body had enough and I went into labor. If I were not in the hospital I would have never known and things could have gotten much more complicated. Having had my contractions monitored we were able to do things in a controlled manor on my boy's and my body's time table, not an arbitrary date. There were no deccels, no babies in distress, but instead a very smooth process.

My nurses and the doctor's were phenomenal and I am so happy to have my babies here.

The Twins Are Here!!!!!!!

Born at 33.5 weeks my miracle momo twins are here. They weighed the exact same at 4 lbs, 8 ounces each and were an inch different in length at 18 & 19 weeks. The birth went wonderfully. They are needing assistance breathing so are in the NICU. I'll post their birth story later.

Has it Really Been 5 weeks?

As of today I've been in the hospital for 5 weeks.  Kind of amazing considering I never in a million years thought I would ever spend anytime inpatient in the hospital.  I've only recently started missing "things" from home.  Of course I miss being with my family, but I've started to miss my bed, my really comfy couch, and well, my home.  Not to long to go now. 

I had a growth scan yesterday and the babies are estimated to be 3.9  and 4.25. Awesome, just awesome. 

5 weeks down, 3.5 more to go - hopefully.

A View "In the Womb"

Here is a clip from National Geographic's In the Womb Series on multiples.  This small clip of the 90 minute video shows interaction between multiple babies in the womb.  Beginning at 3:23 they give you an idea of what momo twins are like in the womb.  You can see them actually touching and grabbing each other. Our first experience with this was in our 1st ultrasound.  It looked like our boys were cuddled up next to each other.  If the video does not show below, please click here.

I don't have control

Reality from Monday's nights close call to delivery finally set in last night.  I was sad and close to tears coming to grips with the reality that I don't have control.  I know that seems like a no-brainer.  I haven't had any control with this pregnancy, why would I think that I did.  I'm not sure.  I'm doing everything I can to be healthy, to grow the babies, to ensure the safest course for their arrival, and while that matters it does not give me control.  THEY will decide when to come.  I want to make it to 36 weeks, but that is just a want.  I realize that.  I've always realized that, but the reality was something that was a little farther from my reach.  I'm doing what is best for them by being in the hospital and being monitored 24/7, but they will make the decision on when to come.  I'm grateful for every day that I am able to remain pregnant and they are able to continue to thrive in the womb.  

Excitement!

Well yesterday was my first real excitement during my 4 week hospital stay.  Yes, today I am at day 29 and still counting.  

The babies showed a dramatic, almost instantous shift in their heart rate baselines.  While a shift is normal, shows signs of maturity, and is overall a good thing, the sudden shift was a shock and a little scarey for me.  We've see the babies heart rate in the 150s as a rule and all of sudden yesterday it dropped to 110s.  

This drop occured one other time before, but quickly came back up.  Today it continued to dramatically flunctate for the remainder of the afternoon.  My doctor was not alarmed because the rates were still in a normal range.  I knew in my head everything was ok (if not the nurses would be running in), but such a dramatic shift was not what I was used to seeing.

As the evening went on, the rates continued in this new pattern and after seeing my doc I was reassured that it was definitely a switch in baseline and great varibility, showing a sign that the babies contiuned to be healthy and mature a good rate.

Several hours later, a shift in my nursing staff and a drop to the high 90s was cause for new alarm.  I initally was not concerned because it was in the range that my OB had just seen.  The night shift nurses however were concerned and one of the other doctors in the practice was called in (my doc had been up for 24 hours and wanted to come in only if there was going be a delivery).  I asked for my nurse to be blunt about what she thought might happen and she said an impending delivery.  AHHHHHH!!!!  Ok, take a breath.

Needless to say, the next 45 minutes was excitement....from me putting on an oxygen mask, to the IV being prepped, to having to change from my regular clothes to a hospital gown - just in case.  I was prepared for the idea that this could happen and soon, the babies shifted again and brought their heart rates up.  My doc did come in because of course she couldn't sleep not knowing what was going on.

For now, the monitoring belts lay firmly affixed to my belly and the babies baseline remains lower, but the excitement has passed.  My wish for a non-eventful stay has been interrupted, but events are great preparation.

Thankful

As the days and weeks have gone by I've worried about my babies surviving, delivering by c-section, having premature twins, and a NICU stay.  While these are all very valid concerns, I'm realizing more and more how lucky I am.  I can say this now being just over 31 weeks.  I had the time to thoroughly process all of these fears, to weigh the pros and cons, and to come to grips with the possible outcomes.  How lucky is that?  I mean many women don't get the chance to think about these things.  They are just thrown into these situations and while they have the same fears, only get to process them later under much more difficult circumstances.  

My journey is by now means over and I'm still aiming for a 36 week delivery, but I feel prepared to handle what comes my way.  I'm not saying it will be easy or that I won't shed tears if things don't go as I would like, but I've had the time to think about and process all of the possibilities.

I've always thought I was carrying March babies (baby, when I thought there was just one).  I've long been at peace with that fact and never flinched about it changing.  I will continue to hold onto this and hope for a little more than 4.5 weeks of happy babies remaining in the womb.

*knock on wood*