Birth Day

The twins birthday started with contractions. I wasn't really feeling them, but I was feeling something different. This is the 2nd time I was having consistent contractions. The first time was earlier in the week and we were able to stop them. This time the contractions were spaced closer together. The doctor thought to check my cervix and see if the contractions were "productive." As it turns out, it was. I was 4cm dilated and completely effaced! Mind you these were contractions I wasn't feeling, but I was officially in labor.

Being that far along required immediate intervention to slow/stop the contractions so that I did not go into full fledged active labor. The potential for cord compression and complications increased if I went into active labor.

The nurses and doctor's began to prepare for the c-section. Remember all that anxiety I had about having a c-section? It was GONE...completely gone. Things went very smoothly. My favorite nurses were there in attendance and things weren't emergent, but were relaxed and steadily flowing.

The twins were born within the same minute (7:30pm), 20 seconds apart. They weighed the exact same grams, translating into 4 1/2 lbs and were 1 inch apart at 18 & 19 inches.

Being born at 33 weeks they are in the NICU. They are doing well, but it is definitely a roller coaster. I'm recovering, but it is hard. I've never had major surgery so this is a whole new experience for me and of course not being able to have them with me is very hard.

All and all, things could not have gone better. My body had enough and I went into labor. If I were not in the hospital I would have never known and things could have gotten much more complicated. Having had my contractions monitored we were able to do things in a controlled manor on my boy's and my body's time table, not an arbitrary date. There were no deccels, no babies in distress, but instead a very smooth process.

My nurses and the doctor's were phenomenal and I am so happy to have my babies here.

Thankful

As the days and weeks have gone by I've worried about my babies surviving, delivering by c-section, having premature twins, and a NICU stay.  While these are all very valid concerns, I'm realizing more and more how lucky I am.  I can say this now being just over 31 weeks.  I had the time to thoroughly process all of these fears, to weigh the pros and cons, and to come to grips with the possible outcomes.  How lucky is that?  I mean many women don't get the chance to think about these things.  They are just thrown into these situations and while they have the same fears, only get to process them later under much more difficult circumstances.  

My journey is by now means over and I'm still aiming for a 36 week delivery, but I feel prepared to handle what comes my way.  I'm not saying it will be easy or that I won't shed tears if things don't go as I would like, but I've had the time to think about and process all of the possibilities.

I've always thought I was carrying March babies (baby, when I thought there was just one).  I've long been at peace with that fact and never flinched about it changing.  I will continue to hold onto this and hope for a little more than 4.5 weeks of happy babies remaining in the womb.

*knock on wood*

Mourning the loss of Natural Childbirth

Maybe that's a bit dramatic way to say it, but I am really sad (really sad) about having to have a c-section. Of course this is not at all how I imagined this birth being. I was considering a home birth. My first son was born via vaginal delivery in a hospital with no complications. I got to hold him and breastfeed him immediately.

I know its what's best for my babies, but I have no idea how to start to let go of this disappointment. It's not even the actual birth itself, it's the recovery time. How can I mother two newborn twins and a 3 1/2 year old while recovering from a c-section?

I feel selfish for even feeling this way, but I do. And of course, everytime I begin to think about them in the NICU I just start crying. The loss of that bonding time, the potential difficulties of breastfeeding. I'm just scared and sad.

I have a great team of women around me. My midwife is going to see me concurrently with my peri and ob. On staff with the midwife is lactation consultant who has experience in this area. I am just scared and mourning the loss of the ideal.