Thankful

As the days and weeks have gone by I've worried about my babies surviving, delivering by c-section, having premature twins, and a NICU stay.  While these are all very valid concerns, I'm realizing more and more how lucky I am.  I can say this now being just over 31 weeks.  I had the time to thoroughly process all of these fears, to weigh the pros and cons, and to come to grips with the possible outcomes.  How lucky is that?  I mean many women don't get the chance to think about these things.  They are just thrown into these situations and while they have the same fears, only get to process them later under much more difficult circumstances.  

My journey is by now means over and I'm still aiming for a 36 week delivery, but I feel prepared to handle what comes my way.  I'm not saying it will be easy or that I won't shed tears if things don't go as I would like, but I've had the time to think about and process all of the possibilities.

I've always thought I was carrying March babies (baby, when I thought there was just one).  I've long been at peace with that fact and never flinched about it changing.  I will continue to hold onto this and hope for a little more than 4.5 weeks of happy babies remaining in the womb.

*knock on wood*

Hospital & NICU tour

On Friday we toured the hospital where I will give birth and the NICU where the twins may stay.  It is very nice facility and the 1st thing I noticed was how incredibly friendly the staff was.  I'm not in all hospitals all that often, but I don't ever recall being greeted so warmly by the staff that weren't sitting at the information desk.  That was really nice.  

The hardest part was walking down the hall to the NICU.  There is a beautiful wall of framed photos and gifts expressing thanks to the wonderful staff at the NICU from families whose babies spent time there.  Beautiful stories and beautiful babies.  I couldn't help but cry.  I have a lot of time to get used to the idea that my babies may (and I do say may, because while the odds are in favor of the NICU it is NOT a for sure thing) spend time there.  Tubes coming out of their tiny little bodies, IVs in their arms, oxygen...I'm just not ready for that.  I do need to come to grips that it might happen.  I am trying.  I am trying to get to a point where I understand that this is apart of the process to bring home to healthy bouncing baby boys, but I am not there yet.

I was a preemie.  While I was able to come home initially, I had to go back to the hospital for several weeks.  My parents tell me this story all the time sharing how much they love me and why they are so thankful for me.  But the other side of the story is how heartbroken my mom was leaving her tiny baby at the hospital.  I've been told this story at least once a year for the past 30+ years.  It is apart of who I am.  Now to think I may have to go throw what my mom went through.......just hurts.

During my tour I did get to talk to the director of the NICU and she was amazing.  I know if they have to spend time there that they will be in good hands.  We talked about breastfeeding, visiting, and to my delight kangaroo care.  She was supportive and informative and offered to be available for any questions that may come up before and after the babies are here.