Tools & Processing the NICU

I'm so thrilled to be approaching the next phase in our journey, on to 24 weeks and home monitoring, but I am still struggling with a potential stay in the NICU.  I am working every day to try to mentally prepare myself.  

I having been searching for the tools to help me put things in perspective, to understand that this is just a potential step in our journey and it is what is best for the babies.  Since I wasn't able to see babies up close during our NICU tour I found this video that was very helpful.  

The NICU is just everything that is not me.  It is sterile.  It is medical.  It is impersonal.  It is invasive.  It is cold.  I know in my head that those are not the intentions.  I know the NICU is the best environment for preemies to thrive, but it seems so opposite of what comes natural to me.  Natural would be holding, nurturing, breastfeeding, cuddling, smelling, and touching.  

I can't say the NICU is everything that is not me, because I was in the NICU.  I know some of my fears come from how difficult it was for my parents, but also on a subconsious level, how difficult it was for me as a baby.  I recently had an eye opening conversation with an amazing woman who encouraged me to explore these fears and where they stem from, because it is not until I face them that I will truly be able to deal with them.  She explained and I understand that the twins chose my husband and I to be their parents and me to be the vessel in which they arrive.  That they can help guide me through facing my fears.  I believe that and I am working and processing, but it is not easy.