Mourning the loss of Natural Childbirth

Maybe that's a bit dramatic way to say it, but I am really sad (really sad) about having to have a c-section. Of course this is not at all how I imagined this birth being. I was considering a home birth. My first son was born via vaginal delivery in a hospital with no complications. I got to hold him and breastfeed him immediately.

I know its what's best for my babies, but I have no idea how to start to let go of this disappointment. It's not even the actual birth itself, it's the recovery time. How can I mother two newborn twins and a 3 1/2 year old while recovering from a c-section?

I feel selfish for even feeling this way, but I do. And of course, everytime I begin to think about them in the NICU I just start crying. The loss of that bonding time, the potential difficulties of breastfeeding. I'm just scared and sad.

I have a great team of women around me. My midwife is going to see me concurrently with my peri and ob. On staff with the midwife is lactation consultant who has experience in this area. I am just scared and mourning the loss of the ideal.